Creating from Love or Fear

This may seem slightly off track from the topic of coaching, maybe even a little abstract. But bear with me and I promise it will become clear and connected.

I believe everything is connected, as will likely be apparent if you read my blog or work with me.

To me understanding how we each view the world is a step by step process. So let’s just take one step together here.

I believe that every decision we make, each action we take or don’t take is powered by our intention.

Emotions are motion with energy, every emotion being a distinct energy from another.

Here, I just want to talk about two.

Love and Fear.

Swap it for empowered and anxious or certain and uncertain if you want, whatever works for you. But it must encapsulate the emotional spaces from which you make your decisions.

If you aren’t sure about this and are feeling a little confusion or resistance as you read this, that’s okay. Let’s slow it down a moment.

Think of a decision you’ve made recently. Any will do, big or small, life changing or small daily tasks. Once you have one, try and recall how you felt in the moment of decision. Did you feel empowered, clear, decisive, positive and as if you were making the choice from a place of strength? Next, recall a time when you made a decision from a place of uncertainty. Maybe you were trying not to lose something or someone, trying to control something?

When you remember your decisions, after you have felt your place of decision, can you feel the difference between both places of decision making?

Hopefully, you have felt your way through that exercise and have not just read the words on the page. Hopefully, you took a minute to feel what a strong empowered place of decision feels like for you and then a weak place of decision.

Let me give you a real life scenario. Have you ever met a person who serves their partner in the most dedicated way but it feels a little needy? They drive them around when they could drive themselves. They make them meals. Take on all the responsibilities and ask them frequently what they can do to help their partner. It may be controversial to say, but just because these acts look like acts of kindness does not make them entirely healthy. If underneath the person’s actions are powered by fear rather than love, uncertainty rather than certainty then the intention is the key not the outcome.

Sometimes an individual may be nervous that their partner does not love them or that they are unhappy in the relationship then the service is coming from a fear - maybe a fear with words such as ‘don’t leave me’.

Ok, so now you hopefully know what we are talking about, how do we avoid actions in a relationship coming from a place of fear? First get familiar with how you feel when you are acting from a place of fear or uncertainty and then get familiar with how you feel when a decision comes from a healthy place. Get really familiar with the way each of those feel.

The more expert we become at feeling our feelings and naming them, the more we can be certain we are making choices from a place that genuinely serves us in the now and future. If a decision comes from a place of lack, it usually serves as a solution in the immediate moment without truly addressing the real issue. Doing so is a disservice to the future you.

Take a person who is entirely focussed on taking the pressure off a partner, out of fear they may leave or being unhappy.

A) We cannot solve another person’s happiness

B) If we feel a pressure to act in a way that we think will reduce someone’s unhappiness, we are actually trying to reduce our own stress.

If we are feeling stress due to another human being feeling unhappy, the real message here is that we have work to do. Yes, they probably do too, but when your work is complete you will no longer feel pressure to try and keep anyone happy.

Let’s tie this up.

Hopefully, now you can see that even some actions that we take can look altruistic but be made from a place of diempowerment. A place of fear of loss. A place of uncertainty, worry and anxiety.

Forget the fear, friends. It doesn’t serve us. It doesn’t keep us safe.

Stand in your superhero pose with your shoulders back, head to the sky and your hands on your hips for five minutes. Feel the empowerment of that pose and that is where to create from. Be a superhero and make empowered (scientifically proven by the way) decisions. Be the creator you always were, creating from love.

Sarah x